But over to a more serious matter.
This fair is about mental health
and it really has a story behind it that everybody really should know.
And thats why i asked Keira seerose for premission to quote a NC she sent out.
My name is Keira Seerose and I own III – a clothing brand. These freebies are from that brand, but if you know me at all you are more likely to know me as the creator of the Summer of Love Fair where you got this freebie from.. and if you’ve been to that fair you might have been to my event before that, the Black and Blue fair.
The Black and Blue fair was my first major event. Born out of sheer bloody mindedness, ambition and persistance I tracked down designers I loved and got them involved. Half way through the planning I gained Melisande Metaluna, my personal assistant, who wrote all the mental health notecards and helped me deal with designers while they set up in the venue.
The event was an unexpectedly huge success – not just for fashion but for mental health awareness. Every day I would log in to messages from people thanking me for helping them come to terms with a situation they or a loved one was in. It was amazing to be a part of something so good.
My own mental health is under severe strain and has been for many years, sexual abuse, my sisters death, my parents divorce, emotional abuse, self harm, suicidal thoughts, a severe anxiety disorder that left me house bound, 47 suicide attempts in a year, acute depression and mood dysthymia (The medical term for permenant low mood)….. I was and still am a mess, for want of a better word. But throughout my troubles I have always tried to raise awareness of what it means to be ‘mentally ill’. In my online travels I have touched thousands & thousands of peoples lives in various ways, and the best way I know how is to be brutally open about what Im going through – in the hopes that anyone going through the same will feel less alone.
The black and blue fair opened on June 4th 2010. I had worked hard to make everything perfect, with the help of Melisande and a small team of people who contributed their own skills. When I was online my driving force was relentless, pushing the venue, the designers and the whole event forward…
On the 20th of May 2010, a week and a half before opening night, my grandmother, Rosaleen, was taken very ill. I am very close to my grandmother… her and my grandfather (on my mums side) were like another set of parents to me. They helped me through all of lifes trials – including my sisters death and the sexual abuse, but more recently in life they had been my reason to leave the house.
It is near impossible for me, on a normal day – for example – to go to the shop for a pint of milk. But if my grandmother fell over I would go over to help lift her without a thought. I took them to hospital appointments, doctors appointments, x rays when they broke bones, lifted them when they fell.. the stuff you do for the people you love…
On the 20th of May we were told we would lose her. Her kidneys had failed and she was on morphine for her pain and because it couldnt leave her system it had put her into a deep sleep. We sat by her bedside all night, and at 6.45am the next morning, same as any other day, she woke up.
I stayed in the hospital for a week, with various family members coming and going my mother and I stayed there all the time, struggling to keep our eyes open at 4am to make sure if the worst happened it wouldnt be alone. When she was awake she was mostly incoherant, but spoke of her sisters – and mine – long gone, as if she were talking to them.
I helped the nurses wash her and change her bed, when she asked for water I gave it to her on a sponge on a stick – an odd contraption but it stopped her from choking on a drink. When she asked for a cup of tea (gotta love the british) I gave it to her through a straw. Brushed her hair, wrapped her rosary around her hand, sung to her in the night when my uncle fell asleep in the visitors chair.
Why am I telling you this? Because its important to know how much I loved my grandmother. It is important for me to tell people how much I Loved my grandmother. On the 27th of May 2010, around 4am – she passed away. With her husband, daughter, son, and two grandchildren (Me and my sister) at her side.
Throughout that week Melisande held the black and blue fair together, and the fair would not have been possible without her help. The day after my grandmother passed I came back to SL and back to work – luckily I was still in shock which lasted until after the fair opened.
This fair, the Summer of Love Fair, is in her memory. Because she was always proud of the little things I did to try and help other people. She supported me in all that I Did, and loved me despite my flaws. There were many days and nights when I felt like I had no one in the world… a feeling I Know that a lot of people have. I know now how wrong that was.
It feels like the world should have stopped. It feels like I shouldnt have to tell strangers reading a notecard about my grandmother, that the whole world should have known and loved her as I did. Loss is an illogical and cruel beast.
The other notecard in this folder will tell you all about what bereavement is and its signs and symptoms, but if you’ve felt it you know. Bereavement is a broken heart without hope. It is utter darkness and shock – because it cannot be undone no matter how hard you wish. It steals the light from your life and shows no remorse.
Bereavement can last days, weeks or years. I am still affected, weekly, by the death of my sister when I was 7… and I am not sad about that. The pain is the only reminder to the world that she mattered. Does that sound familiar? Don’t be ashamed to value the pain and not want to let it go. Although life must move on, its alright to feel like it shouldnt. Its part of grieving… and while I will tell anyone whos having those feelings to talk to someone about them – I would like to end this notecard by saying thank you to all those who enjoyed this fair or the Black and Blue fair. Anyone who learnt anything from it. Anyone who took more than fashion away from this place… because the love and compassion and desire to help people that made me create these events came from my grandmother. So this ones you for Granny.
I wanna thank Keira Seerose for telling us this amazing story and i wanna thank Jared Tremmor for being my sexy male model <3
)
